Chapter 6 - I Will Answer

In late October, 1956 Peggy and I sailed to Hong Konq from Japan, taking another ship from there for the long journey home to England. We arrived safely on December 11th, in time to spend the Christmas holidays with Peggy’s mother.

It was a joy for Peggy to meet old friends, and for us to make many new ones during the four happy months of deputation that followed. All too soon it was time to say goodbye again, and on April 25th we boarded ship at Southhampton for the journey down the Atlantic Ocean toward Capetown in my beloved South Africa.

We journeyed northward toward Southern Rhodesia, a journey of over a thousand miles, taking meetings all along the way. We had the use of a good car, the roads were good, and I was delighted at being back in the wide open spaces again after the cramped conditions in Japan and England. I enjoyed driving far above the speed limit, especially when covering long distances.

One morning just is Peggy and I were leaving the place where we had been staying, the gate slammed behind me and caught the back of my right foot with such force that the blood ran down. It hurt so much that I sat in the car waiting to start until the pain eased a bit.

Suddenly it was as if the Lord spoke to me, “That’s the foot that steps down hard on the gas pedal. This is a reminder to you to drive within the speed limit today, tomorrow and the days to come!” With my aching foot as the Lord’s reminder, I was careful not to exceed the speed limit on that day, and for some time after.

One day the little desert town of Kuruman welcomed us, and it was good to see old friends again. I visited the garage where I had worked and looked up to see if my hat was still nailed to the ceiling. It was, still bearing its silent witness.

I also went again to my old secret place of prayer and knelt beside the stone where I so often met the Lord and gave thanks for all that God had done for me since I last knelt there. But now another terrible conflict was raging in my soul, no easier to bear than when my first call to Japan had come here in South Africa.

As Peggy and I journeyed, taking deputation meetings for the Japan Evangelistic Band, we were increasingly burdened for the hospitals of Japan, wondering what the future held. If we obeyed the God-given vision of laboring in hospital evangelism we could not continue working under the Band. Yet if we left the Band, what could we do! We had no money of our own, and could not take the support of the people giving to the J.E.B. through our deputation, using it to start out on our own.

But then one day an opportunity came from God to make us financially independent, for we arrived in an area where diamonds could be found. Every morning I took Peggy for a walk over this area and told her what to look for.

“If we could pick up just one good diamond,” I told her, “we’d never have to do deputation work again. We’d he financially independent And could devote all our time to hospital evangelism. Just look how much more we’d be able to do for God! And we wouldn’t have to spend so much time begging Him for money either.”

But Peggy was never successful in picking up anything, nor was I. But my hopes remained high, for a short time later while we were staying on the farm of some friends our host said, “I’m very impressed with the work you’re doing for the Lord in Japan. I have a diamond digger working for me here on my farm, and I’ve promised the Lord that if he finds a diamond while you’re here I’ll give you a third of its value. A third will go to the digger, and I’ll keep the last third myself.”

We stayed on that farm as long as we could! Finally we could delay no longer. Peggy and I loaded the car, got in, and I started the motor, letting it idle while we finished saying goodbye to our hosts. Suddenly a shout was heard.

“Wait!” the digger yelled, “I’ve just found a diamond!”

I immediately turned off the motor and waited eagerly for the digger to get to the car. The man ran up and laid the gem in my outstretched palm. But the diamond was so small it could hardly be seen in my hand!

My hopes of financial independence were dashed! Our share of the diamond’s value was $15, and although we were grateful for this gift it was far from the bounty we had hoped for. I did not yet realize how important it was for me to be totally dependent upon God alone for whatever finances would be needed.

Our busy itinerary kept us travelling week after week, with meetings in different places nearly every day. Night after night I tossed on my bed, unable to sleep. How can we leave the security of the Bank, I wondered, and go back to Japan on our own? It was too much to Face! Besides, I have a wife to consider now, and not just myself as before. If we go into hospital work full time we will need many other workers too. How are they to be supported?

My desperation was approaching a tremendous crisis from my driving all day, conducting meetings each evening and then worrying all night rather than sleeping. Before long a deep sense of guilt was added to my worry.

How can I honestly bring messages to people, I thought, when I am in such desperate spiritual need myself? In Japan I used to tell the patients with real confidence that they should “cast all anxieties upon God.” But now in my own great need I cannot do it myself. If I keep on like this I’ll end up in a mental hospital. I’ll never get back to Japan!

No longer did I spend time in prayer preparing for the meetings, but felt so exhausted I would go to bed as soon as we arrived at each new destination. Peggy would wake me just before time to go to the meeting, but sometimes I wouldnÅft even be able to get up, and she would have to conduct the whole session herself. Gradually I became so disturbed that I could not even drive, and Peggy had to do all the driving while I lay exhausted on the back seat of the car and tried to rest. I was rapidly approaching a nervous breakdown.

“Here we are, Neil,” Peggy would say, rousing me gently when we arrived for the next meeting. I would get up and go into the meeting with her, and beg the people to pray for me. Sympathetically they would gather around and earnestly pray for me. This happened in one place, and then another, and another. Rather than being a blessing to people, all I could do was talk of myself and my own desperate state. It became such a nightmare that I dreaded getting up to speak at all.

During the summer months, a conference was scheduled in which I was to be one of the speakers. When we arrived, Peggy and I were assigned to a rondaval for our quarters. A rondaval is a little round native hut which can be used for sleeping. We took our bags in, and then prepared to go, to the first night’s session.

Mr. Bertham Friend was speaking that night, on 1 Peter 5:7 “… casting all your care on Him, for He cares for you.” “If you are so worried at night that you can’t sleep.” Mr. Friend said as he explained this text, “then do not call yourself a Christian, for such anxiety is a shame on the name of Christ!”

I felt deeply convicted, as if the man had been preaching specifically to me. After the meeting that night I went right to the rondaval, knelt by my bed and gave my whole burden into God’s hands. “Lord,” I prayed, “I’ve been so worried that I’ve wondered how I could trust You for the needs of my wife and myself. But now I leave this matter up to You. Even if we have to die of starvation, we are in Your hands. If you want me to spend the rest of my life with tuberculosis patients every day, always visiting in their hospitals, maybe even catching the disease myself, I will. Even if we have to die from it, we are in Your hands. Tonight I’m casting all my care on You.”

That night I slept like a baby, and every night from then on! My nervous exhaustion was not immediately healed, but within three weeks I was like a different person, even though the time was growing shorter until our return to Japan, and a decision about this whole matter was essential. But now in my praying and waiting upon God for His will, the terrible anxiety was absent.

One day near the end of August the Lord seemed to speak to me through Jeremiah 33, as encouraging me to press on with the work in the hospitals. Quite unknown to me, Peggy had also been studying consecutively through Jeremiah, and when on the same day she arrived at chapter 33 in her daily studies, God spoke so clearly that she too felt the call to hospital evangelism.

Although we both felt strong assurance that this was the will of God, it was such a major decision to make that we wanted to be absolutely certain, and asked the Lord to confirm the call by giving us Jeremiah 33 again from some outside source within the next ten days. We told no one of this, but kept looking in every letter that came and were alert to other ways in which the Lord might bring this passage to our attention.

On September 6th we were invited to attend a young people’s meeting, but were given only ten minutes to speak, as the meeting was taken over almost entirely by the young people themselves. Suddenly one of these young people stood and unexpectedly quoted Jeremiah 33:3! We felt as if riveted to our chairs, as God’s Word was clearly applied to our hearts by the Holy Spirit Himself. In those moments I looked at Peggy and she looked at me and we both knew that God had spoken. We had to obey and step out in faith, trusting God for all future needs.

From that time on it seemed God gave us assurance upon assurance. A few days later we were prepared to leave after a meeting in a town nearby. We got into the car and started the motor, when suddenly a local Christian friend looked through the window and said, “I want to give you a promise,” and quoted Jeremiah 33:3!

Within another day or two a letter came from a friend in England in which she also, quite unexpectedly quoted Jeremiah 33:3. God had spoken and was confirming His Word to our hearts.

By late October we had completed our deputation for the Japan Evangelistic Band, and an opportunity to rest for a month with dear friends in Port Elizabeth. A turning point in our lives had been reached, for when we returned to Japan we would be leaning on God alone, with no organization behind us.

But I am not one to make hasty decisions, nor to presume too confidently that I have correctly understood the Lord’s will. Thirteen hundred and fifty miles now lay between us and the place where we would board ship, by way or Pretoria, which would be our South African headquarters. We had no funds to start out on our own, nor even the money needed to buy our passage back to Japan.

“Lord,” I said, “I just want to ask you for one more sign. If you give me this sign, then I promise I will never ask for another, for I will know that You are with us and will always supply our needs. We need $830 to go back to Japan. You know that we are only goinq to stop briefly in a few places on our way to Pretoria. The sign I ask is You give us $415 before we reach Pretoria, which is half the fare we will need.

Asking such a large amount in such a short time was a big step in faith for us. In my mind I planned how, if the Lord sent this money in, I would set up a long deputation tour to raise the second half of the fare and find supporters for the work.

The journey to Pretoria was blessed with delightful fellowship as we visited with friends briefly in familiar places along the way. The last stop before we reached Pretoria was in Scandinavia drift, where we conducted an evening meeting. The Christians there gave generously, including our hosts for the night.

Alone in our room in the farmhouse of our friends, Peggy and I counted out the money we had received on this trip, before going to bed. It came to $400. Although we were grateful, it was $15 short of the sign for which I had asked.

“We really thank You for this generous supply,” we prayed, “but it’s not enough for the sign we want from You as reassurance that we really are to start out on our own. Please do something about it, Lord! You know we leave very early tomorrow morning for Pretoria, and will see no one on our way.”

Morning came, and after breakfast we got in the car. The cornfields of the farm were shimmering with yellow gold under the soft rays of the early morning sun, which had just slipped over the hills. The car rolled forward as we waved goodby.

But just as the car began to pull away the farmer cried, “Wait a minute!” He hurried to the car and put his hand in his pocket. “The Lord just seemed to speak to me,” he said, “and tell me to give you another $15.” He took the money out of his pocket and gave it to me.

In those moments the Presence of God shone in our hearts more warmly and brightly than the morning sun, for now we were certain God was working on our behalf, and that in His own time He would give us a golden harvest of souls. Peggy and I sang as the little car rolled along on its way to Pretoria. God had given us the precise amount we had asked for! Now all we needed to do was to figure out how to raise the other half of our fare back to Japan, and the support for the next five years of our missionary work there.

As we drove up to the home in Pretoria which would in the future be our Headquarters, our friends ran out to meet us. Almost the first words that tumbled out of our friends’ mouths were that $415 hid been given them toward our fare back to Japan!

Not only had the Lord given half the fare that I had asked as a sign before they reached Pretoria, but He had greeted us an our arrival with the other half miraculously supplied. This was His eternal sign to us that this was to be His work, and that He would indeed meet every need.

In those moments I realized that God wanted us to return to Japan as quickly as possible, trusting God completely. I laughed at myself as I thought of what a nervous wreck I had almost become, worrying that God might not meet our needs and that we might starve! I dropped my careful plans for a long deputation trip to gain support. Peggy and I sent a letter of resignation to the Japan Evangelistic Band, and in the days following prepared a newsletter to friends in England, explaining our historic decision.
The Challenge of the Tuberculosis Hospitals of Japan

Much of importance has happened recently and it is with very mixed feelings that we share with you something which is to alter the whole of our future. The Lord has called us out to return to Japan with no human organization behind us, setting our feet alone upon His Promises of protection and undertaking …In obedience, therefore, to what we believe to be the will of God for us, we sent in our resignation to the J.E.B. on the 30th of November, 1957. It was anything but an easy thing to do…
As the Lord makes it possible, our desire is to return to Japan as soon as possible early next year, stepping out alone in naked faith on the faithfulness of God…

On the afternoon of March 17, 1958, we stepped once again onto Japanese soil, rejoicing to find several missionary friends waiting to meet us and welcome us back.

Where would we live? Who would our workers be? How could we meet the needed expenses? These matters no longer troubled us. God would provide.